I stumbled upon photos from my phone from our honeymoon – this was taken looking from Turtle Bay! (Where we stayed) Hawaii is the BEST…..
Happy Monday everyone! Today’s post is something I’ve contemplated for the last few months and finally found time to fit it in. I had considered posting a few other weeks but it didn’t fit with other posts. So today we’re on vacation – YAY! – but I thought it would be a good time to talk about time as a couple outside of special times like vacation.
I know that this applies to more than those of us married to residents because sometimes life get BUSY and time flies by. You realize it’s been days since you saw each other for more than 5 minutes or had a substantive conversation. It’s hard to not go through the to-do list or catch up on bills when you have limited time together. I’m not saying ignore reality when you’re together (and ignore bills, house chores, shopping, etc) but I think there are ways to take advantage of that limited time.
focus on each other when you’re together
#1 – Put the phones down – hello September Social Media Challenge! My husband has a group chat with ALL the Emergency Medicine residents that can have hundreds of messages a day. Luckily he isn’t as sucked in as some other residents are (this is a frequent complaint among other spouses/gfs), but it just shows how you can be at home without actually being present. Our phones are great and so useful, but they can obviously be detrimental when used in excess. I know I’m guilty of this and I’m trying to be more cognizant of when I’m just wasting time on my phone! I know I don’t hear what my husband is saying if I’m also scrolling through Facebook, even if I try to multitask. So if you take one thing away from this post – put the phones down and talk!
BUT manage expectations
Spending every moment together might be what you dream of when you don’t see your spouse for 5 days, but it probably won’t be a vacation. At first, I wanted the day(s) we had off together to be perfect. We would do fun things, eat good food, and have an epic day! I was putting so much pressure on myself to make the day perfect that it ended up being unenjoyable. I told my husband this and he said that it was ridiculous to think a random day off would be the best day ever. It’s just a day off! Some days are more fun than others, and I shouldn’t expect every day off to be a dream. Expectations can really set the tone of your day – so I try to be realistic and enjoy the moment without setting major goals.
real life still exists
Like I mentioned above, I don’t mean ignore reality and everything you need to do for your life to run smoothly when you’re together! For the first month or so I tried to get EVERY errand, chore, task done when my husband wasn’t around. I didn’t want to “waste” time on boring things when we were together. I quickly realized that it was stressing me to try and do all these tasks after work, run errands, and clean in a limited window. Plus, it’s not like going to the grocery store together is a death sentence! I do try to get errands done on my own – when I can – but I no longer try to make our time off devoid of any “work.”
support each other’s hobbies
This is a more recent addition to my thinking, but I think it’s really important to have your own hobbies and interests. For the last 4 years I’ve gone to Bible Study and that night is a significant part of my week – and I miss it when I can’t go. My husband played in a hockey league in St Louis and I don’t think he realized how much he missed it until he started playing in Lexington. Both these things are our own hobbies (we don’t do them together) and we’ve realized that having our own interests makes us happy. We can’t do everything together all the time – it’s just not healthy! Obviously he helps with the blog (#instagramhusband), and I watch his games when I can, but having our own hobbies is fun.
Relationships take work and don’t happen magically, so it’s been helpful for me to think about these tips for staying connected in this new phase of our life. We both have new jobs, live in a new city, and are making new friends – which all adds up to a LOT going on. I don’t want it to sound like we’re not having a great time – we are! We love Lexington! – but I find it helpful to put my thoughts in writing for these situations. Hopefully this makes sense…honestly, I probably won’t check comments until after vacation so you’ve got some time to re-read it 🙂 Have a great week!
