It’s been a while since I did a residency post, and today is a big day for 4th year medical students – it’s Match Day!
For those of you who don’t know, the process of getting a residency spot is very specific – you go through this process called “The Match.” You send out dozens of applications, do tons of interviews, and then submit a ranked list of the programs you like. The hospitals create their own ranked list, and then a computer matches everyone the Monday of match week. On Friday you find out where you’re going – aka today!
I remember this day so clearly and am so happy to be on the other side! The stress cannot be overstated. Just think, 4 years of school (well 8 if you count undergrad) leading up to the minute where you open an envelope. That envelope determines your medical future and it’s pretty stressful!
Since we’re on the other side of that momentous day, I wanted to give a residency update and share some tips! Intern year doesn’t start til July but it’s good to set those expectations early 🙂
medical school is not residency
I was shocked by how many other intern spouses had heard that residency was easier than medical school….HAHAHA. Whoever is spreading that lie should be ignored! Med school is nothing like residency – it’s school! You’re a doctor in residency and the expectations are totally different. More hours, more stress, more expectations, you name it. Also if you thought the hours were bad as a spouse in med school…..just you wait!
Also, there are no “sick days” in residency. Unless you are admitted to the hospital for your sickness you better show up for a shift – no excuses.
you will be alone A LOT
I write this post as I’m alone on a Saturday. It will be that day tomorrow, every night this week, and both days next weekend. My husband also worked evenings the past few days, so it is just a comically bad stretch. He had a stretch of 7 shifts, and now he’s on a stretch of 8, and all of them are evenings. He had ONE day off in the month of February. And ER residents have the lowest work hours of most residents, so they have it good! I know an Ortho resident who worked from 3 AM to 8 PM EVERY DAY for three months. (Also, work hours are a joke so don’t think anyone enforces those)
I’ve gone 5 day stretches without seeing my husband, and yes we do live in the same house! I don’t say this to scare people, but just know that there will be plenty of these times. Unless your significant other is doing PM&R (physical medicine & rehab…like PT?), expect to spend time alone.
weekends & holidays don’t matter
This might sound obvious, but hospitals are open 365 days a year, 24 hours a day. Weekends and holidays don’t really matter – especially in the ER. It’s been surprising how many people assume my husband will have Christmas/Thanksgiving/New Years off because they’re holidays. It doesn’t matter! If you expect your resident to have every holiday off you will be sorely disappointed. It’s all about expectations! And it probably won’t ever get better in the ER – it would get better for people who will eventually work in a clinic or outpatient setting. But in a hospital, days of the week don’t really matter. In fact my husband rarely knows what day of the week it is because it doesn’t matter for his work schedule!
It still amuses me when people are surprised my husband is working at night or on the weekend. Frequently coworkers will ask what we’re doing, and I’ll say not much since my husband is working. The response is almost always “he’s working this weekend?”. Yes!
they will be late
One of the other residents holds the record for working 4 hours after he was supposed to get off. He even missed his own birthday party! No, I’m not making this up haha. I wish I was! But the reality is that you will wait for a shift to end, and they will be late. Most times when I stay up at night when my husband is supposed to get off at 10 or 11 he’s late – and I kick myself for waiting up! I think “I can wait til 10:30, he’ll be home by then” and he isn’t. So my pro tip is this – go to bed! And plan things WAY after when they’re supposed to get off, just trust me on this! This is especially specific to the ER where things can blow up and they can’t leave. Other areas where you have a new shift come on and you leave might not have this issue, but I do 🙂
make friends
So in all this alone time you need to make friends! You will go CRAZY just waiting for your s.o. to get home – trust me, I’ve tried it. You have to get out, be social, and talk to other people. I’m so lucky that the other ER wives are really social and we do things all the time! Making new friends takes work, but it’s so worth it. I even wrote a whole post with tips!
no one else will get it
The great part about having friends who have husbands in residency is that they GET it. They understand everything because they’re going through it! They know that being “married to a doctor” doesn’t mean being rich and glamorous. Residency might mean they’re doctors, but they aren’t raking it in. You need to find people in the same situation because they’re the only people who you can share your true feelings with. Honestly!
Other people don’t understand the stress, bad schedules, and day-to-day realities. Even people who are married to PAs, NPs – it’s different. I don’t say that to say anyone is “better” than someone else, I just mean that unless you have been married to/dating a resident you won’t understand. It’s something you have to go through to get it. And honestly, I don’t even think close family members (i.e. parents) get it fully either – you have to be there daily, and spouses are those people.
I hope this doesn’t make it sound like my life is a nightmare, I just want to share some honest tips! I came into residency with realistic expectations and I think it’s been better than the disaster I imagined. But the women who thought it would be better have been sorely disappointed and it’s been a hard adjustment.
My parting pieces of advice: be realistic about your time together, because it won’t be like a 9 to 5 job. Also don’t be angry at the resident for being gone – trust me, they would rather spend more time at home and with family than they can!
I’m linking some posts from other bloggers who are married to residents – like Emily Gemma from the Sweetest Thing. She has done tons of posts about residency, like this one! Also Kathleen Barnes from Carrie Bradshaw Lied has a tips post.
So good luck to everyone entering this journey – and happy match day!
