Lately I’ve had a lot of people asking advice as they are newly pregnant or navigate those first few months as parents. There is so much information out there that it can become overwhelming! And I’m honored when people ask what they should buy or do or whatever else they want to know. If you know me, you know I love providing advice 🙂
At the same time, I feel like the past year or 18 months has really solidified my parenting philosophy. When you have a newborn you don’t have many decisions to make – they need to sleep, eat, and get baths. But once they get older you need to make more decisions. Who will they play with? Will they go to school? Will they have screen time? The list is endless!
And making more decisions has convinced me that the key to parenting is….
**Doing what is best for YOUR family**
So after we give advice, we really really share how each family needs to make their own choices. Maybe your situation and values are different than mine, so you make other choices. And that’s fine! We aren’t the same so we shouldn’t be expected to have identical choices in parenting.
I don’t think I’m making controversial decisions over here, but truly, making any decision that goes against the grain becomes a hot topic. And you know what? I don’t care! When I make decisions (and by this I mean my husband and I), they are made because they are best for my family and my children. I know my children better than anyone. I think every parent can say that! So we shouldn’t expect our kids or households to fall in line with everyone around us.
Just for fun, here are some decisions I’ve made that I’ve been openly criticized for over the years – and looking at this list, I wouldn’t change any of them…
- Deciding to be a stay at home mom
- Getting an epidural
- Nursing both children
- Vaccinating children
- Doing baby led weaning instead of purees
- Sleep training
- Nursing both children past a year
- Feeding them fruits and veggies (“your children eat too many fruits and veggies” – I KID YOU NOT)
- Not enrolling them in school earlier
- Enrolling them in school at all
- Seeing a dermatologist for eczema
- Following a strict allergy plan (and not eating known allergens…lol)
- Seeing a speech therapist
- Anything related to car seats
- Not allowing any screens/TV shows/movies/iPads
This list might seem comical but I just want to show how literally every parenting decision you make will be judged – maybe silently, but maybe publicly.
And you know what? Who cares! I truly am not impacted by peer pressure. I don’t care if everyone else has their kids on iPads for 12 hours a day. It’s not what I’m going to do, and that is what matters to me! I’m also the opposite of a people pleaser so I don’t do things just because someone else wants me to – maybe it’s a character fault, but I think it protects me from wasting time and energy on things that aren’t right for our family.
I truly think that if you make a decision that is “against the norm,” other parents are upset because they feel judged. And I really, truly, do not make decisions to make other parents feel bad. We each have our own strengths and passions and values. For us, time together, at home, is the most important thing. Every activity or time outside the house needs to be evaluated in the light of less time together. That is why we haven’t started any sports or dance. Is that activity really worth taking time away from the family? For the ages of my kids, I don’t think so. They are only 4 and 2! But others disagree and sports are extremely important, and that’s great for them! It’s just not a priority for my family at this stage of life.
I also think that leaning into what is best for your family makes decisions easier. You know your family, budget, strengths, weaknesses, etc, more than anyone else. If something doesn’t fit within your life, just move on and don’t worry anymore. No need to waste time trying things you know won’t work!
This has been a rambling post but these thoughts have been in my head for a while, ready to be written down and shared. I hope this helps anyone who is struggling with decisions with their kids. Do what is the best for YOUR FAMILY, and forget the rest.
